i just realised that i’ve been eating maggi for 2 days in a row now.the whole house smells like maggi already.even my freshly washed shirts.yesterday it was curry and soy sauce maggi.today it’s curry and sardines plus sausages maggi.wonder what will i eat tomorrow.but then again, i have to work tomorrow.*sigh*i dont really wanna go to work rite now.i’m still in the h1n1 mode.

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If your heart is full of hope, there’s no room for fear.. – Jason Mraz-

a few days ago i met Arwah’s family.

i saw Co, and made a small talk. i had this happy tone in my voice cos i dont want to remind him of Arwah.

he then told me that Ida is here too and called Ida out.(Ida is my childhood friend and also Tok Wan’s granddaughter)

i almost cried when i saw her, and i know she did too cos we hugged each other for quite a while.

it is almost impossible not to think of Arwah cos we remind each other of her.

Achik was there, and Kak Alya, and they talked to me,catch up and everything.

i tried my best not to mention Arwah.

Achik asked me of how i am doing.

i told her i work part-time at Coffee Bean and she said she’ll drop by and we will catch up later.

Kak Alya and i talked of Coffee Bean and Starbucks before she went inside again and left me with ida..

Ida told me they were going to sell the house.

i knew this was coming.

but still it came as a blow to me.

i did not expect it to happen this soon.

so soon,in fact, that they left right after our conversation with each other.

thank God i asked for ida’s email and new phone number.

Tok Wan might not had the chance to see me getting married,but i wish any of their family members could come later on.(not that i am in a hurry..i still remember that i am bf-less,thank you)

the house is going to be sell to another person huh?

i dont know how am i going to adapt to that.

i can only imagine all the renovations done to the house.

Arwah love the house so much.

to the new owner,pls, do not change the house that much,okay?

i can only hope now that the house fell into good hands.

Tok Wan, i am sorry.for not being able to do anything.

i love this song..it motivates me when i’m down..plus,it’s one of the OST for Sisterhood of the traveling pants 2..the girl, kate voegele,is a very pretty girl with an awesome voice.more the reason i love this song..

It’s Only Life
Kate Voegele

Tears are forming in your eyes
A storm is warning in the skies
The end of the world it seems
You bend down
And fall on your knees
Well get back on your feet
Yeah
Don’t look away
Don’t run away
Baby, it’s only life
Don’t lose your faith
Don’t run away
Baby, it’s only life

You were always playing hard
Never could let down your guard
You can’t win
If you never give in
To that voice within
Saying pick up your chin
Baby, let go of it
Yeah

Don’t look away
Don’t run away
Baby, it’s only life
Don’t lose your faith
Don’t run away
Baby, it’s only life

Don’t look away
Don’t run away
Baby, it’s only life
Don’t lose your faith
Don’t run away
Baby, it’s only life

Take your hesitance
And your self defense
Leave them behind
It’s only life
Don’t be so afraid
Of facing every day
Just take your time
It’s only life
I’ll be your stepping stone
Don’t be so alone
Just hold on tight
It’s only life

Don’t look away
Don’t run away
Baby, it’s only life
Don’t lose your faith
Don’t run away
Baby, it’s only life

Don’t look away
Don’t run away
Baby, it’s only life
Don’t lose your faith
Don’t run away
Baby, it’s only life

It’s only life
It’s only life
Don’t look away…


i was browsing through my indonesian music folders when i saw a folder with sheila on 7’s name written on it…i has always been a sheila on 7’s fan, and even though duta is already married with kids, i am still in love with him till this day..hehehe..when i saw the folder, my heart totally stopped.i already know wat song to play.it’s my favourite song cos it has been my guidelines or borders before.wat borders?wat guidelines you ask?guidelines on how to be a good woman..that is what i’ve been trying to follow all this while, but when i got involved with k-pop and all that, i totally forgot about the song.but i hope this can be a reminder to myself,and other women who are reading this post(and who can understand it,lolz)..i wish i wish i wish..i wish i can stay true to myself,without losing the most valueable aspect of being a woman, her pride.Amiin..that guy that i like?if he’s meant for me,he’s meant for me.if he’s not,then he’s meant to be someone better.love will find its’ way..whoever it is that is meant for me out there,i’m sure God has God’s own plan.

Sheila on 7:

Untuk Perempuan

Jangan mengejarnya
Jangan mencarinya
Dia yang ‘kan menemukanmu
Kau mekar di hatinya
Di hari yang tepat

Jangan mengejarku
Dan jangan mencariku
Aku yang ‘kan menemukanmu
Kau mekar di hatiku
Di hari yang tepat
Tidaklah mawar hampiri kumbang
Bukanlah cinta bila kau kejar
Tenanglah tenang
Dia ‘kan datang
Dan memungutmu ke hatinya yang terdalam
Bahkan dia takkan bertahan tanpamu

Sibukkan harimu
Jangan pikirkanku
Hadirnya ‘kan menuntunku
Pulang kepadamu
Di hari yang tepat
Tidaklah mawar hampiri kumbang
Bukanlah cinta bila kau kejar
Tenanglah tenang
Aku ‘kan datang
Dan memungutmu ke hatiku yang terdalam
Bahkan ku takkan bertahan tanpamu

Aku yang ‘kan datang
Aku yang ‘kan datang
Aku yang ‘kan datang
Aku yang ‘kan datang
Aku yang ‘kan datang
Aku yang ‘kan datang
Aku yang ‘kan datang

kematian…

i have lost many people who i am close to, and who i love dearly during my years of doing B.Ed in TESL, and even though i know it is inevitable, it still ache my heart not being able to send them off, and see them for the final time.

My Late Grandmother (father’s side) – Mak Esah –  died on my first day in Shah Alam for B.Ed TESL.

My Late Grandfather (mother’s side) – To’ki Kob – died on semester break, in between Semester 2 and Semester 3..

My Late Tok Wan (nenek angkat) – died recently..still hurts my heart that i couldnt see her for the last time..she’s my best friend..

and lastly,

My Late Tok Teh La (my late grandfather’s lil’ bro@my mother’s uncle) – he was single, and lived alone in my great grandparents’ house..he usually went to his lil’ sis’ house for dinner..but then he didnt show up for two days..they figured something was off..so they went to his house.he already passed away by that time..Tok Teh La is going to be bury tomorrow, but i couldnt be there..

i am so sorry Tok Wan and Tok Teh La..i am sorry..nothing can describe how i feel rite now..

i am trying my best to find money so that i wouldnt have to depend of my family so much, and even though i have not yet reached the goal, i believe i will someday..

i have promised Tok Wan that i will bring a good guy for her to see, so that she could reject or approve it for me..she’d be my filter, but then she passed away before i could even find a guy.

every time the tears drop, i tried to stop it as it will only make the ones who had passed away suffered even more.

i am sorry ma, i am sorry ayah, i could not be with you guys to go through the hard times together..i know you guys are twice more affected by this than i am..but i will try my best to appreciate life as it is, and be nicer to the one who is still living..

alone
I hear the ticking of the clock
I’m lying here the room’s pitch dark
I wonder where you are tonight
No answer on the telephone
And the night goes by so very slow
Oh I hope that it won’t end though
Alone

Till now I always got by on my own
I never really cared until I met you
And now it chills me to the bone

How do I get you alone
How do I get you alone

You don’t know how long I have wanted
to touch your lips and hold you tight,oh
You don’t know how long I have waited
and I was going to tell you tonight
But the secret is still my own
and my love for you is still unknown
Alone

Till now I always got by on my own
I never really cared until I met you
And now it chills me to the bone
How do I get you alone
How do I get you alone