i have lost many people who i am close to, and who i love dearly during my years of doing B.Ed in TESL, and even though i know it is inevitable, it still ache my heart not being able to send them off, and see them for the final time.

My Late Grandmother (father’s side) – Mak Esah –  died on my first day in Shah Alam for B.Ed TESL.

My Late Grandfather (mother’s side) – To’ki Kob – died on semester break, in between Semester 2 and Semester 3..

My Late Tok Wan (nenek angkat) – died recently..still hurts my heart that i couldnt see her for the last time..she’s my best friend..

and lastly,

My Late Tok Teh La (my late grandfather’s lil’ bro@my mother’s uncle) – he was single, and lived alone in my great grandparents’ house..he usually went to his lil’ sis’ house for dinner..but then he didnt show up for two days..they figured something was they went to his house.he already passed away by that time..Tok Teh La is going to be bury tomorrow, but i couldnt be there..

i am so sorry Tok Wan and Tok Teh La..i am sorry..nothing can describe how i feel rite now..

i am trying my best to find money so that i wouldnt have to depend of my family so much, and even though i have not yet reached the goal, i believe i will someday..

i have promised Tok Wan that i will bring a good guy for her to see, so that she could reject or approve it for me..she’d be my filter, but then she passed away before i could even find a guy.

every time the tears drop, i tried to stop it as it will only make the ones who had passed away suffered even more.

i am sorry ma, i am sorry ayah, i could not be with you guys to go through the hard times together..i know you guys are twice more affected by this than i am..but i will try my best to appreciate life as it is, and be nicer to the one who is still living..